Rearview regret

I find myself living in the past much to often. Try as I may I cannot change the road I have taken. Still nothing pulls stronger than my desire to change a single decision. Well, If I spent more time I may have others, but one more than most weighs on my mind.I am sure you will find this narcissistic and self-indulgent, but nonetheless I shall confess.

This was an epiphany for me within the last year. I looked back on a decision which at the time I really didn't know was open to me, but had I done would have made me much different today.

I was in the eighth grade, yes trifling I know, and one of the talents that I had just begun to cultivate was my singing. I was in the chorus and I had a natural rhythm that was beginning to show itself. I had something else too. I had a passion for the stage and preforming. I lite up before a crowd, and the rush was unreal.

There was a talent competition and I didn't even put forth the effort to do it. I really didn't know what to do so I did nothing. I watched as others did their best but knowing that I could done more than watch. It was hard watching all these people perform. There was one act that sticks in my mind to this day that I could have helped , and they me.There were these 4 guys who could actually play drums, guitar, bass and piano. They preformed Electric Light Orchestra "Don't bring me down". They did fairly good job, except for the singer guitar player. He couldn't sing and he tried to do it. He was flat and you couldn't even hear him over the din of the music.

The talent show began on a Thursday night and the awards were given out that night, but the next day the show was repeated for the students. I could have gone to them and said "Hey, I can not only sing this song but I can perform." To this day I am sure I could have done a back flip off the stage. I never went to them. I never asked and they never knew.

To this day I will hear that song, quite often in fact, and it will take me back to a school that is no longer there and a choice that caused me to live out my life not knowing if I could or would have done a back flip off stage, but I do know I can keep my dreams to myself as they slowly become patches of regret in my mind.